Posts Tagged ‘robot’

WHAT THE FUCK.

September 5, 2008

GOD DAMN.

Here’s the story. So, I thought Hector the robocactus was stinking up my room. So I tried everything in my power to de-stink him. Then, yesterday, I got home from class and our room STILL smelled. So, heartbroken, I put Hector in the hallway with a sign that said “I need a home!”, and turned my back on him.

Hector in the Hallway

Hector in the Hallway

BUT THE ROOM WAS STILL STINKY.

So, I set out to find the true source of the stinkiness. I got down on my hands and knees and crawled around, sniffing our carpet.

And then I found the stinky spot. This large, slightly discolored spot by my closet. Ew. I got some dishwasing soap and a sponge, and scrubbed away.

Then, I realized: Wait. This is where my shower caddy has been sitting.

WAIT. THIS IS MOLD.

So, I stopped scrubbing and googled “remove carpet mold”.

And, of course, the first thing that I read is:

“WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TOUCH MOLD WITH YOUR BARE HANDS OR INHALE.”

Of course, I read that after spending an hour scrubbing the floor with my bare hands and sniffing the carpet WITH MY FACE, LIKE, AN INCH AWAY FROM THE MOLD SPOT.

FUUUUUCK.

Supposedly, someone is coming to clean it today, because my technique did not work as effectively as it should have. But I have to pay now. Shit.

I’ve been talking to other girls in my hall, and they all leave their shower shit on the ground too. Mine seems to be the only one that has grown mold. Either I’m icky, or smells just feel drawn to me. Maybe both.

According to Google:

SYMPTOMS OF MOLD INHALATION

1. Coughing

2. Irritation

3. …

4. Convulsions

5. Death

I haven’t been experiencing death or convulsions, but I have a cough. AND I AM VERY IRRITATED. GRR.

When I start coughing up mushrooms, I’ll start worrying. Now, no.

The silver lining?

HECTOR GETS TO STAY. WOOHOO!

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A Typical Evening

August 30, 2008

We made a sex robot.

Not a robot for sex, but the robo-embodiment of sex.

His name is Pr0nbot 2. Observe.

Pr0nbot 2

Pr0nbot 2

Here’s a close up:

Torso

Torso

His chest is covered in vaguely sexual clippings from a Parents magazine. In case you can’t read what it says:

“Hard. Easy.”
“What does love smell like? Tickle here to find out.”
“You Chews.”
“You want it. You need it. Now get it.”
“Every wonder what yum smells like?”
“Spit it out already!”
“The perfect muffin has arrived!”
“Sharing doesn’t come naturally, but playing games does.”
“Now you’re cooking.”
“We talk about it at every opportunity…”
“Treat yourself with every bite.”
“You put natural things into what you made. So do we.”
“No more crying and no more wincing.”
“I wanna get down!”
“When you’re this sure, get a little creative.”
“Shave for a cause!”
“Limp, limp, limp.”

And my personal favorite:

“Do you long for LONG?”

I swear, we went to a party AFTER we did this. Really. And Pr0nbot 2 faithfully guarded our room against the throngs of drunk chicks roaming the halls.

Doesn’t “Twisted Side Pony” sound like some kind of perverse sex position? Yes, it does.