Archive for the ‘happiness’ Category


October 7, 2008

I was accepted to be one of Oberlin’s student bloggers! Woohoo!

The thought that I am going to be paid to write shit like this is pretty mind-blowing…and fantastic. Best job ever.

However, I have my Chinese Thought and Religion midterm tomorrow. EWW. Too many philosophers to keep straight, and they all have the same mustache.



October 1, 2008

Tonight is Boy Band Night at the ‘Sco, Oberlin’s tiny basement dance club.

10 pm to 1 am. Backstreet Boys. N’Sync. LFO.


Minimal complaining

September 23, 2008

I really have had nothing to complain about lately, and it’s really pretty depressing.

A few days ago, a cicada decided it might be a good idea to live outside our window.


I even saw it on the window, but decided it would go away. I could have killed it while I had the chance. But no.

I think it did eventually leave or die or something. Okay, complaint resolved. That was kinda lame.

The pee wind is back. That’s a shame as well.

But really, life has been pretty nice lately. My classes are fun, my pants finally expanded again, hula hooping is awesome, as is marching band, etc.

I got off campus for the first time on Sunday! I went with marching band to some little restaurant called Steak ‘N’ Shake. It was gross, but fantastic because anything that isn’t from the dining hall is delicious to me right now. Even though our dining hall is pretty good. Oh well.

I got in to Wind Ensemble! I’m very excited. We’re playing Children’s March. YESSSS.

It’s been a nice week. Hopefully the rest of the year is this cool.

Happy Endings

September 10, 2008

I’m sure you’ll all be glad to know that Hector has found a home! Thanks to Facebook. It’s fantastic.

There’s another girl in my dorm who collects cacti. Facebook informed me of this. Upon inquiry, I discover that her cacti are named Henry and Herbie.


So Hector is proudly residing in her dorm room. Henry, Herbie, and Hector. A cactus family. A threesome made in heaven. And by threesome I mean like a pair except three, not like sex. Cactus sex would hurt. Especially with Herbie, he’s really spiky, and I wouldn’t want to put Hector through that. Hector’s spikes are Q-Tips, he will one day be a pleasant, gentle lover for some lucky cactus chick. Unless cacti are in to sadomasochism. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, cacti; I don’t judge. Actually, I do, but not the sexual preferences of cacti. Can you tell I’ve thought about this?

p.s. I actually haven’t until now. But, in case I drop out of college and write erotica for a living, it is a legitimate fetish to consider. I should keep notes.

Speaking of notes, did you know that after death, the heavenly spirits of ancient Chinese folk were commonly devoured by celestial wolves during their ascent to heaven?

Heaven is a dangerous place.

Mystery: Unsolved

August 24, 2008

I’m sure you’ll be as ecstatic as I was to discover that the redone laundry does not stink of mystery feet. It smells rather delicious now, actually.

So instead of eating the box of detergent to sublimate my anger, I ate half of a can of Nutella to celebrate.

I’ll never take clean clothes for granted ever, ever again.

Now, if only I knew why everything smelled of feet in the first place. I should call CSI. Except that they’d be all:

“Miss, we found traces of blood, pus, and semen on your walls. Do you remember finding disembodied feet in your drawers?”

Because that’s what happens on every episode of CSI that I’ve ever seen.

Mmm, Turkey Leg

July 23, 2008

I just got back last night from a trip to Southern California with Meliza and her family. We had a fabulous time! We left her house Sunday at 3 am and drove to Hollywood to see a taping of the Price is Right. Three hours in line was worth it, because it was basically an awesome, retro party with a bunch of really geeky strangers wearing “I LOVE DREW CAREY” t-shirts. And a few “MY DOGS AND I LOVE DREW CAREY- EVERYONE PLEASE SPAY AND NEUTER YOUR PETS IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO” t-shirts, because there’s really no better way to preach than from the back of a t-shirt worn on an early-morning game show. But I digress. We didn’t get called to be contestants, because apparently none of us have any personality whatsoever. But that’s okay. So, I chose to spend the hour revelling in my hatred for Drew Carey. He’s so un-funny. Worse game show host ever. Hating is one of my favorite pastimes, so I really enjoyed it.

Then, on Monday, we went to Disneyland! We got there at 8 am and didn’t leave until about 1 am…that’s like, 17 hours? My legs were unhappy with me, but I had a great time. I’d never been on a roller coaster before, so that was kinda cool. Except the reason why I’d never been on one was because I was scared shitless of them. But I went anyway, and just ended up screaming the whole time. Each scream was trying to be “FUCK!” but I never made it to the C, so they all just kind of blended into one indecipherable “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”.

We were standing in line for some Fantasyland ride, and I decided to be all bitchy and opinionated:

“I hate when adults put those harnesses and leashes on their kids. They’re children, not dogs! It’s not right to drag a human being around on a leash, and if your kid is stupid enough to run around like an idiot and get lost, or you’re too lazy to chase them, DON’T GO TO DISNEYLAND.”

I really do hate that. It makes me mad. I felt Meliza needed to know. Then, of course, I turn around, and right next to me in the cue line is some dude dragging a kid on a leash. He looked at me and kind of laughed, then said this:

“Haha, I guess it’s only teenagers that need to be on leashes?”

I shrugged. “It’s debatable.”

Then I kept on moving, feeling kind of bad for offending him but feeling more pissed than guilty because he had his kid on a fucking leash. So. Tough love time, Lazydad.

Maybe parents have good reasons for keeping kids on leashes. Maybe it’s because the children are seriously wicked and would chew off my leg if they weren’t tethered. But unless they come up to me and explain their situation, I don’t care, I’m going to judge those parents anyway.

Meliza and I bought a turkey leg at Disneyland. Not because either of us were hungry or had a hankerin’ for turkey, but because “TURKEY LEG” was proudly displayed on the menu, and for some reason, it was hilarious. So we gnawed at the turkey leg for about an hour. This thing should have been sold to us as a Dinosaur Leg, because it was huge. We named it Phillip; it came on rides with us. And Phillip was delicious.